Unpretentious assessments of circadian circumstances.

Trip to CVS Begets a Modern Day Survival Kit?

As our avant-garde civilization gravitates toward communication at 4G speeds, travel at light speeds, and 30 minute lunch “hours” (if you’re lucky) one may find themselves trekking to the local drug store just to indulge their wants and satisfy their needs. On a recent excursion of mine, I managed to bypass the cosmetics without incident and B-line to the oral hygiene aisle, frozen food section, miscellaneous sand pit and impulse quagmire (unavoidable.) What I learned during my travels is a treasure trove of priceless information that I will gladly pass along to fellow survivalists.

According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, the most fundamental level is the one where necessities such as food, water, sleep and sex (in no particular order) must be met before an individual can graduate to subsequent levels, eventually achieving “Self-actualization.” This apex is when a person realizes and achieves their full potential.

*Author’s note: If anyone has reached this level, please send me a step-by-step guide with illustrations and foot notes*

Now, there are five levels to this pyramid of needs and I only returned with 4 items, so clearly Self-actualization will need to be purchased at a later date.

In order to satisfy level one (physiological needs), a Lean Cuisine spaghetti with meatballs and mushrooms was procured for later consumption. What was gained from this? Vitamins, calories, protein and a level of contentment that only a lioness feels after she feasts upon the prey she stalked from across the pharmacy and cornered in the freezer section.

Moving up the pyramid we find safety needs: family, health, resources, employment, blah blah blah. This is where Crest Pro-Health Complete with “6 in 1” benefits comes in. I just simply swish 10mL of this enchanted formula and instantly I get: family, health, resources, employment, property and morality.

Just kidding.

Well, it did say 6 benefits, but I’m guessing it refers to the reconstruction of enamel, prevention of cavities and an assortment of other mundane dental terminology.

Continue up the pyramid, we’re now at Love/belonging. I did manage to acquire a bag of Kettle Brand natural sea salt potato chips– and according to the back of this bag, and I quote, “simply great tasting, all natural potato chips made by a company that cares.” Bingo. I now instantly feel loved by this company that cares. Next.

Esteem; now this one is a little bit tricky (no pun intended, you’ll see.) In order to achieve a feeling of self-esteem, confidence and respect, there’s no telling how long it may take and whether I have the patience to wait that long. So instead, I picked up a deck of Bicycle playing cards (trusted since 1885) and accomplished esteem by diligently shuffling and bridging my crisp, virginal deck of cards before the eyes of my peers while they ooh-ed and ahh-ed at my sprightly and nimble fingers. Well, there really was no illusory feat here, but impressive none the less.

If you haven’t been keeping count, there’s only one level left: Self-actualization. Within the confines of this triangular concept of true potential we find the words: creativity, spontaneity, lack of prejudice and acceptance of facts. Lacking in all of the above, I will concede that I have yet to reach the attainment of all these truths, but I will accept the fact that I could learn a thing or two from others.

Any of you feel you have achieved the ultimate Self-actualization? If you have, please refer to my author’s note.

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